Lynn’s Recollections and Reflections #18 – The Divorce

The Divorce

You would think that women in the late 80’s would have a fair shake when it came to divorce but that was not the case for me.

Things I Wish I Knew

By keeping my situation to myself, I had no proof. Women keeping quiet is so common but then it’s used against you in a court of law.

I wish I had done my homework when hiring a lawyer (that’s a whole other story).

Living the life you are accustomed to is a fairytale.

What I Learned

Once I had hired an attorney, I was told that I couldn’t leave our marital house with my son or I would be charged with kidnapping.

If I left without my son, I would be abandoning him and deemed an unfit mother.

Staying was my only option.

And I was in the house with a very, very angry person.

I’m sure he didn’t really like me, he just didn’t like to lose.

I was cut off financially and didn’t receive a dime from my spouse until our divorce was finalized.

We had a bank line of credit that my name was on and I put that money in my own account. It’s what Kenny and I lived on for a very long time. I paid it all back when the house was sold so there was a period of time that he did not provide a dime for me or Kenny.

Things Only Got Worse

Once I wanted out of the marriage, the situation in our house only got worse. I finally started to call the police but other than documenting the call they were little to no help to me.

At one point I got an order of protection and I was safe in my home. It only lasted for about 48 hours.

He had the best lawyers money could buy and he was back home before the ink was dry on the order.

Finally

At that time in the state of Illinois when you file for divorce, you are typically ordered to participate in court-ordered mediation (marriage counseling).

Our therapist was a lovely lady who was the one who actually helped me get out of my marriage.

Most of our counseling sessions were one party saying all the right things to make it appear that they were the wronged person in the marriage.

It wasn’t until a really rough night when I showed up for our counseling session covered from head to toe in bruises. He never showed up. She took pictures of me and told me that I needed to leave. She did what she needed to do to get me out of the house with my son and the divorce proceeded.

Peace & Love,

Some of My Favorite Things

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  1. The Introduction
  2. My Parents and Their Friends in the 60s
  3. A Lonely Kid
  4. The Day I Ran Away TO Home
  5. The Tornado
  6.  Moving Away from My Friends
  7. The Summer of 1975
  8. Living with the Devil
  9. After the Summer of 1975
  10. The Wedding
  11. Newlyweds and 2 New Houses
  12. A Baby
  13. Behind Closed Doors
  14. Living the Dream
  15. Four Tumultuous Years
  16. My Sister
  17. Fast Forward To Today

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8 Comments

  1. I really enjoy reading your history. I hate that you ever had to live through this. I’m so glad things turned around for you!

    1. Hi Susan – It wasn’t fun but I truly believe that it has made me a stronger more resilient women. I would do it all again if it meant I got to have the life I have today. Thanks so much for following along!

  2. hi lynn thank you for sharing your story. It will help many women in similar situations. Keep sharing…
    laura

    1. Hi Laura – This little series has definitely morphed into something I didn’t expect. I will keep writing as I know that there are people out there who it’s helping.

    1. Hi Deb –
      Thank you so much for following along and also for this link. I’m going to add it to my posts as its an important resource.

  3. Teresa Gonzales says:

    Thank you for discussing your divorce situation. You have been heard. I am glad you did the right thing for you and your child!. Abuse in any form is not ok.
    Peace and love to you.

    1. Thank you Teresa for following along. My recollections series has become something I never thought it would. I’m getting many private messages from women who are making decisions to get out of similar situations. If it helps just one person stop the cycle of abuse, I’m so glad that I’m putting this out there.