Behind Closed Doors
It’s interesting how much shame and isolation there is when you’re in an unhealthy relationship that you’re legally bound to.
From all outward appearances, we were a happy couple with a new baby. There of course were good times but when there were bad times, they were awful.
Don’t tell a Soul
I didn’t share it with anyone. Not good friends and certainly not my family.
Not until a time when I was badly hurt and so scared that I finally reached out to my little brother. I knew he could defend me and I knew he would keep my secret.
He was just in college at the time and he would keep this dirty little secret to himself for many, many years. Helping me out on numerous occasions. Never passing judgment, at least not out loud to me.
In addition to feeling isolated and alone, not telling anyone would come back to haunt me when I finally had the courage to leave.
My Ah Ha Moment
Around this time I joined a philanthropic group of ladies (my ex-mother-in-law was in it) who did fund raising to support women and children in need. How ironic!
It was at one of the meetings when I was sitting in one of the member’s beautifully decorated living rooms with 30 other women that I realized what was happening in my home was wrong.
There was a guest speaker and she was talking about women and abuse. She was describing my life. When she share the statistics of how many women are in this situation, I looked around the room and wondered “Who are the other ladies in here living the same life as me because statistically there had to be about 7 of us.”
As women, we are so often faced with feeling like it’s our job to make things right. Keep our home in order. That somehow these weaknesses of men are our fault. It’s all such bullshit.
Looking back at my own childhood, I felt like my Mom was many times verbally abused and she just took it. What was she going to do? Leave and support four kids on her own?
It’s pretty evident where we get this notion that we have to put up with things that aren’t acceptable. It’s all around us.
We watch so many men (in the public arena) who feel entitled to belittle, humiliate, and abuse not only their own wives but other woman and even a lot of men. Misogyny is a way of life in our world.
No Place to Go
At this point in my life, I also felt like I had no place to go. I was completely dependent on this other human being and I had a child to protect.
I also didn’t have a college degree. Something that I decided I need to change and I went back to school. I became a full-time college student with a young baby and I was doing what I needed to do to try to fix things.
What Happened Next
I’ll share that soon but know it was years before I had the courage to say ENOUGH!
Peace & Love,
Summer Home Refresh
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#1 – The Introduction
#3 – A Lonely Kid
#5 – The Tornado
#7 – The Summer of 1975
#10 – The Wedding
#12 – A Baby