Long-Distance Grandparenting: Making Visit Count

I’m navigating the role of long-distance grandparenting, and let me tell you—it’s not always easy. As much as I wish my kids lived close by and we could get together for Sunday dinner, that just isn’t our reality.

Our two oldest live in Los Angeles and Dallas, thousands of miles from our home in Illinois. So far, we have one sweet grandbaby in Dallas, and I’m sure more are on the way (fingers crossed!).

We use technology to stay connected. We video chat with our grandson nearly every day, which helps. But when he and my daughter were both sick recently, I just wanted to hop on a plane and be there. That’s when the distance really hits.

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Start with Communication and Coordination

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in this stage of life is the importance of open communication. Before booking anything, I reach out to my kids and ask about their schedules. Are there school events coming up? Do they have work trips or holidays already spoken for? Coordinating calendars early makes everything smoother.

We talk about how long a visit feels good for everyone. Sometimes three days is perfect. Other times, a week works best. We also talk about how often visits are manageable—for them and for us.

And here’s a big one: be flexible. Kids get sick. Plans change. Flights get delayed. The more relaxed I am about that, the better the visit goes

Finding the Right Time to Visit

We haven’t found a perfect rhythm yet. Our kids have demanding jobs, so we tend to plan around key events.

• Holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving are wonderful but can be hectic and expensive.
• Birthdays are always a joy to be part of.
• Religious milestones like baptisms, First Communions, and Confirmations are meaningful touchpoints.
• School events like plays, concerts, and Grandparents Day are perfect excuses to drop in for a visit.
• And when all else fails, we look for quieter times—off-peak travel seasons or summer breaks when we might be able to help with childcare.

Planning the Trip with Your Needs in Mind

Visiting grandkids from afar takes planning. For trips to Dallas, we usually drive. I like having my own car and the ability to pack everything I want. Visiting our son in California means flying, so we budget extra for airfare, car rentals, and sometimes an Airbnb.

And let’s be real—travel as we get older is harder. Take into consideration your energy levels, stairs, bathroom setups, and whether you need to bring any special equipment.

When I overdo it, I’m not much fun for anyone.

I’ve learned to build in downtime. A nap here, a quiet morning there. And I let my kids know what to expect so no one feels overwhelmed.

Ideas for Fun Things to Have for Grands at Your House

Making the Most of Your Visit

When we are finally there, I want the visit to be meaningful. That doesn’t mean jam-packing every minute. It means spending quality time in ways that fit their age and interests:

• Toddlers, Iove reading stories, playing in the backyard, or coloring together.
• School-age kids love baking cookies, playing board games, or making crafts.
• Teens? Well, sometimes it’s just sitting down and listening to them talk about their world. Going to their events or grabbing a milkshake together can go a long way.

I’ve also started thinking about visit traditions—little things we do every time. Maybe we have a movie night, or we make pancakes together. These rituals help create memories that last.

I always try to respect their routines. I help with meals, pitch in where I can, and honor bedtimes and house rules. It’s their home, after all.

When the Grandkids Visit You

One of my favorite dreams is hosting our grandkids for part of the summer, like some of our friends do. I know that time will come.

In the meantime, when they visit us, we make sure our house is ready. We stock their favorite snacks, plan age-appropriate outings (like trips to the zoo or science museum), and explain our house rules gently but clearly. Kids adapt so well when they know what to expect.

And as they get older, maybe they can even travel alone. Many airlines let kids fly solo with a little coordination. It’s something to consider if both sets of parents feel comfortable.

Staying Connected Between Visits

Even if you can’t visit often, technology is a gift. Video calls, texting with older grandkids, even sharing pictures and updates through a shared album—these small moments keep you close.

And don’t forget good old-fashioned mail. I love sending postcards or handwritten notes. It might feel small, but those personal touches leave lasting impressions.

Budgeting and Emotional Realities

Let’s be honest—travel isn’t cheap. If you’re on a fixed income, planning visits has to be part of your budget. We try to set aside a “grandkid visit fund” each year so we’re ready when opportunities come up.

Emotionally, it can be tough when grandkids grow and start to focus more on their friends. It doesn’t mean you don’t matter. In fact, your consistent presence—even from a distance—is something they’ll always remember.

Long-distance grandparenting isn’t always easy, but with a little planning, a lot of love, and a dash of flexibility, you can build deep and lasting bonds with your grandkids no matter how far apart you live.

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Peace and Love,